Although my tale to be told of motherhood actually has begun and I have a three month old (as of tomorrow!) I wrote a number of blog entries previously, which I will share with you...I wrote the first one at 37.5 weeks pregnant - so wild looking back to where my head was at. Read on:
I’m not sure when its supposed to ‘hit you’ that you are becoming a parent. Is it when you first become pregnant? Is it when you see the babe for the first time? For me it’s been a process, more so than just an instant in time.
But I find myself sitting here at 37.5 weeks having spent the last three days in random puddles of tears, noticing that I’m going through one more ‘process’ period. Is it hormones? YES, most definitely (Read this! - thank you Niki Nephin for passing this along). But is it more than just hormones? YES, most definitely.
I’ll spare you the details of each puddle of tears I’ve been splashing through, but what I will share is this: I recognize now that I’m having to let go of an old life, and having to move on to a new one – one full of unknown (first time momma!), constant change (you’re dealing with a growing little squish face here!!) and scariest part – not having complete control over any of it!? Coming from someone who loves to have control (eek! I admit it), I’m clearly having a tough go with this one.
So how does one get through ‘change’ when it feels so drastic and overwhelming at times? My answer: Roll with it, let go and trust.
You say: Whachyou talkin’ bout Willis?
And I say: I’ll explain…
Roll with it: So I’m crying at the drop of a hat. So what? I leave the gym to get in the car, and tears start to come. I’m sitting at family dinner on Sunday night (my favorite time of the week!) and tears want to come. So what? Roll with it. You’re allowed to be this way. You’re nurturing a small human inside of you, and the change that you are about to surge upon is big! So let yourself just do what you need to do. Let the tears come if they need to, let the giggles come afterwards if you find yourself thinking how strange those tears are, let yourself just be. Its good to process these things instead of hold them inside. Don’t we want to instill good communication skills in the little ones? Well it starts now! Don’t hold the emotion inside for them to ‘brew’ in. Let it out. My reflexologist, Rita Davis (words cannot describe what it feels like to be in the presence of this women – experience this for yourself here) told me yesterday that we can breathe out 60% of our own bodies toxins with those deep belly breaths. Try it. Or tears work too :)
Let go. I’m not only referring to letting go of the past, but more importantly letting go of control. How can I control things in the future days and weeks of a newborn, when I don’t even know what there is to control?! Even writing this, I get heart palpitations haha! But here is what I’ve been thinking about: Control is attached to fear – ie I fear that I am not going to be a good parent, I fear my child wont be a happy soul, I fear that my birth is going to go wrong. But what good does this do?! All it is doing for me is bringing negative nelly feelings into my body and not helping baby carry good energy. And thats the thing I fear the most?! Clearly, the fear is only detrimental to the babe as well as my own health.
So…to let go, I must trust.
Trust. This is a lesson in progress for me. I used to find it hard to trust outcomes unless I had control over them; I used to get so worked up and anxious, if people or situations were ‘out of place’ cause I never trusted that, in the end, things would work out. If I was being honest with myself, I should write those sentences in present tense…BUT I’m learning... I believe trust starts in your core, right in your solar plexus (read more) It’s a matter of trusting that you will resonate with the universe the way you are supposed to in your life time. And therefore, things will unfold the way they are supposed to for you. To be clear…I’m not stating to sit back and watch your life go by. I’m saying be an active participant alongside this trust. Does this make sense?
Here is an example: I’m going to have a new baby soon, and so what if its not happy all the time? What if I’m not always an angel parent all the time? And what if my birth doesn’t go as planned? Well, if I can trust the fact that I will do the best that I possibly can, if I can trust that the little soul joining us will be the happiest that they are meant to be, then I can save my energy worrying, and leave it to be positive, excited and full of energy to give this new relationship I’m about to embark on all that I can.
And so the process continues...
Mammas-to-be, pappas-to-be, I’m wondering how you deal with change?